skud: (Default)
skud ([personal profile] skud) wrote2014-03-06 12:27 am


Living: One day at a time. Things are tough right now. I'm setting easy goals for each day (eg. Monday: go to this one appointment, don't do anything terrible/regrettable on the internets; Tuesday: a load of laundry and one difficult email) and calling it a win if I make it. Today I did some laundry, some dishes, some tidying, watered the garden (why no raiiiinnnn?), and a bit of work-work. It'll do for now.

Working: not as much as I should be, really. Trying to ramp back up into actual paying work because, you know, rent. Feeling terrible about stuff I've dropped on the ground, emails I owe, etc. Augh. Step by step, Skud, step by step. Also, not sure if it's work-work but it's computery so I'll count it: I upgraded my laptop to Mavericks, my iPhone to iOS 7, and switched to using Tweetbot for twitter. Mixed feelings on Tweetbot; wish I could invent some frankenstein-monster hybrid between it and Echofon. Echofon's got a smoother UI in general (fewer clicks to get shit done), but Tweetbot has the all-important keyword muting.

Playing: Reading lots of fic (mostly re-reads and comfort fic) for relaxation/enjoyment. Playing (in another sense) a lot of music. This gender swing brings music back with it. I've missed it a lot, actually. I don't know what music my femme self likes (maybe nothing much?), but my butch self likes all kinds of cool shit. Tonight I listened to The Coup and Fugazi and, ok, the Buffy musical episode but only because iTunes brought it up kind of randomly. Also been playing the guitar again, mostly just doing some basic drills and stuff, buildling up calluses again. Had to take a couple of days off because I actually got blisters and lost some skin, but I'm back at it again today.

Planning: I... not much. Hmmm. I just don't seem to have the mental space/energy for it right now. I've been thinking a lot about haircuts though! I think I want a sort of Jedward haircut, actually. Just trying to figure out whether to dye first or cut first. Think I'm going to take a quasi-hippyish middle ground and break out the Lush "caca noir" black henna (actually henna+indigo) which gives a naturalish dark black-brown, rather than going back to the old bleach-and-brights.

Reading: Fic. Lots and lots of fic. Fic I've already read before, for the most part. Comfort reading.

Watching: that "Stephen Fry in America" series from like 2008. I can't quite remember why I started but once I did I felt honour-bound to complete it. I find Fry hard to watch. In his most negative moods he reminds me of my asshole father. On the other hand, dad never has the whimsy or the childlike joy that Fry has when he likes something. The show was weird to watch. So many layers of cross-cultural experience/opinion, between Fry's visiting eye and my ex-expat one. Meh. Not what I'd call a really enjoyable viewing experience, but not an altogether bad one. On a completely different note, this vid by [personal profile] thuviaptarth about militarism in the Avengers universe. Highly recommended.

Making: Bought some wool last time I was in Melbourne and have been knitting a cowl from it. The wool is a sport weight long-colour-shift 100% wool in cool red, blue, and grey. The cowl is tight/single-wrap, in a simple slip-stitch pattern that breaks up the colour a bit and provides some texture. I'm hoping to wear it when biking around Ballarat etc; wanted something non-flappy for the purpose. It's pure comfort knitting and feels lovely and squidgy.

Health: went to see the free therapist at the local community health centre on Monday, and OMGGGGG she is the BEST. Like, I never really understood that crush-on-the-therapist trope until now? But wow, she is great. Forthright, feminist, generally appreciative of my outspoken/analytical ways. Wants me to send her my dorky gender spreadsheet. Listened to me ramble about my gender stuff, reached into the mess I'd dumped on the ground, and pulled out the tangle right at the middle IN OUR FIRST SESSION. Gave me homework so intense that it feels like fucking on the first date. Which, you know, I'm into. Even though this is shit I have NEVER talked about and she just picked it out of the mess and said "ok, let's deal with this first." Basically I don't know whether to be terrified or all heart-eyes, but it is basically good. Also, I joined the gym yesterday, which in any other week would have been newsworthy, but this week is not so much. And my uterus is doing that thing it does, which tbh I am mostly annoyed with because it is interfering with my newly-revived solo sex life. WHATEVER UTERUS, YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.

How's your week?
vass: A sepia-toned line-drawing of a man in naval uniform dancing a hornpipe, his crotch prominent (Default)

[personal profile] vass 2014-03-05 02:43 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm jealous of your therapist. Mine is good too, but I couldn't possibly afford him on my own, so he keeps me attached to my parents.

Awkward compliment time: it's admirable, the way you talk about things being tough. My perception of you, oh... ten years ago? Is that you were a lot bootstrappier, a lot less willing to be seen struggling. And I admired that Skud, but that Skud was kind of intimidating too. This Skud is less intimidating and more admirable.
afuna: Cat under a blanket. Text: "Cats are just little people with Fur and Fangs" (Default)

[personal profile] afuna 2014-03-05 03:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Your therapist sounds absolutely wonderful and a fantastic fit. I'm glad you found her.
lilysea: Serious (Default)

[personal profile] lilysea 2014-03-05 03:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Sorry things are tough right now. :(

Thanks for talking about setting easy goals - makes me feel better about doing the same due to chronic fatigue.
damerell: (stuck)

[personal profile] damerell 2014-03-05 05:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Living and working; very similar, thanks to the black dog in my case. Fix printers because I can bring myself to fix printers without mental paralysis (or procrastinating on DW, ahem). Put clothes on body and food in mouth, pay gas bill, buy bogroll, have one working bicycle, and anything less important than that probably doesn't matter. :-/
lilacsigil: 12 Apostles rocks, text "Rock On" (12 Apostles)

[personal profile] lilacsigil 2014-03-06 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
I watched that Stephen Fry series with similar feelings. He's certainly at his best when learning something, but his "informed commentary" is sometimes very much not that.

It's been overcast here since Tuesday afternoon, but we've had about 30 seconds of light drizzle and that's it. COME BACK, RAIN!

linaelyn: (Linny sunshine)

[personal profile] linaelyn 2014-03-06 08:57 am (UTC)(link)
I had to look up "a sort of Jedward haircut" -- I think that style would look quite good on you, especially in a dark henna-indigo coloring.

I'm loving that you did this sort of post a second time.
linaelyn: (Chibi!Lin)

[personal profile] linaelyn 2014-03-07 02:37 am (UTC)(link)
Huzzah! I look forward to that.

Would you mind terribly if I gacked your format on an occasional basis? I really like how it creates a structure when I'm struggling to say something here. (Asking for what I want-- totally ready to hear your "NO!")
linaelyn: (POTC-Jack by firesignwriter)

[personal profile] linaelyn 2014-03-07 04:42 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks! :-)
transcendancing: Darren Hayes quote "Life is for leading, for not people pleasing" (Default)

[personal profile] transcendancing 2014-03-09 12:03 am (UTC)(link)
Sorry to hear that things are tough right now, but yay for good therapist! What a nice win :) I also love these posts from you and I am hoping to go and make one directly after finishing some comments. I like your easy goals as well, and that you talk of struggling, I feel self conscious too when I talk of struggling but any time anyone else does it, I don't feel alone in it and I recognise the difficulty in having that vulnerability and openness together. I think your haircut idea sounds ace :)
brainwane: My smiling face in front of a brick wall, May 2015. (Default)

me, recently

[personal profile] brainwane 2014-03-09 01:50 am (UTC)(link)
Mixed but mostly good.

I have been actually learning stuff the past few days (about HTTP, web services, REST, and similar) which feels good. It's great to know that my current role has explicit time (as discussed between me and my boss) for me to learn this kind of stuff. And I got to help someone at Hacker School who was really lost and frantic, like, on a nearly metaphysical level like I must do A Project but everyone else has something Better and I try to start something but I don't understand the next step and AAAAAH. We paired a little and I explained to her the things I had just cemented in my own brain about HTTP, and she played with JSON for the first time. And we talked about learning styles and projects and pairing, and other people joined us to chat, and she had a much clearer direction and better morale after that. It felt like what that particular learning community should be. (And then I saw Hackers for the first time ever, which was hilarious and spectacular.)

I haven't been getting enough sleep - I'm consistently a couple of hours under - which presages probably an epic nap tomorrow. I know that's gotta be contributing to me feeling a bit fragile (weeping at web videos, maybe my nausea earlier today when I got to ride in a twin Cessna and unfortunately had airsickness).

Just read Louise Fitzhugh's Harriet the Spy for I think the first time, and Janet Mock's Redefining Realness. Currently reading Leonard's RESTful Web APIs and sort of dipping into Mihály Csíkszentmihályi's Flow.
brainwane: My smiling face in front of a brick wall, May 2015. (Default)


[personal profile] brainwane 2014-03-09 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for sharing your doings and feelings. I'm so happy for you that there are many cool things among them. :)