skud: (skud)skud ([personal profile] skud) wrote,
@ 2012-11-26 07:58 pm UTC
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Entry tags:bullshit, growstuff, neis, newstart, work

Mirrored from Infotropism. You can comment there or here.

Technically, for most the last year or so since leaving Google, I’ve been unemployed. I didn’t receive unemployment benefits, though, because I didn’t really need it and because the paperwork overhead seemed higher than I was prepared to deal with. (Plus of course the periods when I was studying or overseas.) But now I’m working on Growstuff and I’d like to get onto the New Enterprise Incentive Scheme, which offers small business training and mentoring and some small amount of funding for a year while you work on your new thing. Thing is, you need to be on unemployment benefits to qualify, and so I recently applied for Newstart.

As a Newstart recipient, I’m required to search for jobs, even though my goal is to run my own business. Whatever, I can play the game. I applied for a number of jobs online, figuring I’m probably over-qualified for most of them, but it fulfils the requirements. Today I got an email back from one of them, asking me to fill in an online questionaire. Obviously, to show good faith in my “job search” I need to do this, but I have to admit that it sapped my will to live.

The first part of the process was an 80 question “IQ” test which included the following questions:

The idea that the Earth is the centre of the universe is

a) improbable
b) intelligent
c) subversive
d) insular
e) astronomical

Such things as language, clothing, customs, color, idicate[sic]:

a) temperament
b) race
c) birthplace
d) location
e) personality

Which of the following is a trait of personality?

a) affluence
b) reputation
c) position
d) withdrawn
e) power

The second part of the questionaire, about the “product” of my most recent work (i.e. my year at Google) was even worse. Luckily their web app crashed and I couldn’t actually complete it.

My prospects as a trainee fleet co-ordinator seem less than stellar.



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wrabbit: text oh blazes I've spilled my cocoa again (stargate: sam carter)


[personal profile] wrabbit
2012-11-26 09:27 am UTC (link)
What strange questions. I can see more than one theoretically right answer for each, for one thing.

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skud: (skud)


[personal profile] skud
2012-11-26 09:30 am UTC (link)
I know, right? I honestly had no idea how to answer them, but then I didn't really care so I just picked one at random.

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lilacsigil: 12 Apostles rocks, text "Rock On" (12 Apostles)


[personal profile] lilacsigil
2012-11-26 09:43 am UTC (link)
That's much worse than when I was on Newstart! The paperwork and requirements were overbearing and ridiculous, but at least they didn't study my "IQ"!

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skud: (skud)


[personal profile] skud
2012-11-26 10:47 am UTC (link)
Oh, this was a potential employer, after I applied for a job with them.

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[personal profile] swaldman
2012-11-26 09:44 am UTC (link)
The quiz reads as though it is lifted from an issue of Comopolitan - one of these bizzare "we can tell your personality from how you answer these nonsensical questions" pseudoscientific tests...

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marina: (marina is the word for ocean)


[personal profile] marina
2012-11-26 10:09 am UTC (link)
Wow that questionaire... wow.

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tree_and_leaf: Isolated tree in leaf, against blue sky. (tree)


[personal profile] tree_and_leaf
2012-11-26 11:03 am UTC (link)
I'd answer the first question with 'd', myself!

What a bizarre little quiz. It's mildly disturbing that people think it's a useful tool for hiring people.

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pauamma: Cartooney crab holding drink ("Cartooney crab holding drink")


[personal profile] pauamma
2012-11-26 06:24 pm UTC (link)
Remember, some people think that "Name 3 things you couldn't live without" is a useful/relevant interview question. But woe to you if you answer "air, water, food" or some variant.

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synecdochic: torso of a man wearing jeans, hands bound with belt (jd - bound)


[personal profile] synecdochic
2012-11-26 02:09 pm UTC (link)
Oh my God, I'd shoot myself.

(I always have problems with those types of tests anyway, because on about half the questions I wind up staring at it and saying "...I know the test-writer probably wants me to answer D, but B is more correct dammit.")

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pauamma: Cartooney crab holding drink ("Cartooney crab holding drink")


[personal profile] pauamma
2012-11-26 06:21 pm UTC (link)
I'm still trying to figure out what distinction they (want applicants to) make between "temperament" and "personality".

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laurashapiro: a woman sits at a kitchen table reading a book, cup of tea in hand. Table has a sliced apple and teapot. A cat looks on. (kitchen)


[personal profile] laurashapiro
2012-11-26 02:51 pm UTC (link)
Wow, that looks worse than the California MFT licensing exam, and that is saying something.

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ideological_cuddle: (to the cloud!)


[personal profile] ideological_cuddle
2012-11-26 11:58 pm UTC (link)
The trick I used to use, in the long distant past, was to "apply" for "jobs" by submitting short pieces to foreign magazine publishers. But then this was when the CES still existed, and while they very much wanted you to apply for x jobs per fortnight and write them all down on the form, I don't think they ever really followed any of it up.

(The advantage of my approach was that even if they wanted to follow things up, they were going to move on to someone easier -- calling the UK was not cheap back then, and the timezones, ow!)

On the bright side at least the informal arts grants aren't time-limited the way they are in some other places...

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krait: a sea snake (krait) swimming (default pic)


[personal profile] krait
2012-11-27 12:30 am UTC (link)
I'm confused, because the answer to the first question is obviously "bog-standard" and it's not on the list. What even is that meant to convey?!

Also: withdrawn? Really? I understand it's a valid statement about somebody, but it's also a stand-out past-tense verb in a list of nouns; was "reticence" or "shyness" somehow beyond them?

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